JAYAN
"blegh"
17 years old,
Indian
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About Me
| Category | Details |
|---|---|
| Status: | Single |
| Here for: | I got pissed asf |
| Sexuality: | Bisexual |
| Hometown: | Himachal |
| Sign: | Capricorn |
| Smoke / Drink: | Sometimes / No |
| Children: | I want 10 |
| Education: | I'm in 12th |
| Occupation: | Jobless |
Welcome
This is another page of absolute word vomit. I find too many things interesting and too many people piss me off so I make shit like this sometimes. I'm actually a real nice person in general but sometimes you need a place to just lay down your thoughts, shut you mind off for an hour or two and just type and type and type about the things you love to fucking hate. Word to Courtney Laplante.
Word Vomit - 11.06.25
woke up fresh as fuck but the feelings of yesterday came back to me like a fucking whiplash. i feel the less close i am with people, the better it is since they can't hurt me. but the thing is, i've always thought like that. this thought process made me lose a really good friend of mine. but at the end, i realised he wasnt even that good of a friend. maybe its my mind turning him into a villain so its easier for me to forget him. i had been an experiment for him. someone to fool around with. it hadn't been emotional for him at all. that's why when i texted him a year later after bargaining with my pride, he was an asshole to me. he'd always been that way.
Word Vomit - 10.06.25
honestly, i cant even fucking lie anymore. the things from my past haunt me and stick to me. they can't go, they won't budge. sometimes i'm with and around other people. sometimes they say things i don't want to hear. i've known how to brush things off, since my time on the internet has come in handy. i've masked those things well. anyone hardly knows how i feel. it doesn't matter how verbal i am about anything. what matters is how i let it gravitate towards other people. sometimes even i'm not sure about how i feel. but i know when i feel hurt, since that emotion has been there ever since i was a kid. i mean, every one has stubbed their toe in life, right? i know it sounds cliche and all, but this is my fucking website you dumbfucks. sometimes, people say things that i would've expected them to say at some point. like how i'm the most effeminite man they've ever seen. its not their fault that my feelings are fragile. its not their fault that the shell i have is made of cardboad. its not their fault that they're not even aware that they said or did anything wrong because its just a fleeting observation of someone's behaviour. maybe its internalised homophobia speaking, but i'd rather not have it pointed out since it has always triggered me. from the way i walk, stand, act, dress, talk. from my interests. if i have a different interest, a different way of speaking and carrying myself, why is that such a big deal. since when are only woman allowed to like the things i do? i've been around woman, effeminite men throughout my teenage years, that told me its okay to be this way. hearing something different just triggers something within me, since i can't even count on my fingers how many times something that has been said, something that sounded alot like that fleeting comment, and it has affected me. from the way my voice sounds. the first time i was ever talking to strangers online, they told me i sounded like a woman. i hardly talked in a voice chat after that. it felt so deeply emasculating to me. but then, i brushed it off, since i believed that right now, i'm surrounded with people who would be different. but the universe keeps reminding, i shouldn't have expectations from anyone but myself. and that's that.